Army of Darkness: The Medieval Dead: Quotes "My name is Ash and I am a slave.  Close as I can figure it the year is 1300 AD and I'm being dragged to my death.  It wasn't always like this... I had a real life, once." "Shop Smart.  Shop S-Mart." "The book awoke something dark in the woods.  It took Linda, and then it came, for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist." "My Lord, I believe he is the one written of in the Necronomicon. He who is prophesied to fall from the Heavens and deliver us from the terrors of the Deadites." "You miserable bastard!" "Your people are no better than the foul corruption that lies in the bowels of that pit." "Into the pit with those bloodthirsty sons of whores!" "Yeah. Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick! It's a twelve gauge double barreled Remington, S-Mart's top-of-the-line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop Smart. Shop S-mart. Ya got that?! Now I swear, the next one of you primates, even touches me..." "First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow." "I don't want your book. I don't want your bullshit. Just send me back to my own time.  Pronto.  Today." "You shall die!  You shall never obtain the Necronomicon!  We shall feast among your souls." "Yo she-bitch! Let's go." "What's the matter? Were you raised in a barn? Shut the door. Probably was raised in a barn with all the other primitives." "Don't touch that please. Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and... things with molecular structures and the-  What are you doing here anyway?" "Gimme some sugar baby." "I got it! I got it! I know your damn words alright?  Now you get this straight, the both of you.  If I get that book you send me back.  After that, I'm history." "I'm Bad Ash. And you're Good Ash. You're goody little two shoes. You're goody little two shoes.  Goody little two shoes. Little goody two shoes. Little goody two shoes. Little goody two shoes.  Little goody two shoes.  Little goody two shoes. Little goody two shoes. Haha!" "Three books? Wait a minute. Hold it. Nobody said anything about three books.  Like... like what am I supposed to do? Take-Take one book... or all books... or... or what? Well." "Whoa.  Wait a minute. The words. Right, right, right. Say the words.  Clatto! Verata!  Nn... Necktie, necturn, nickle... noodle. It's an 'n' word. It's definitely an 'n' word." "Alright...yeah...Great, great. Get the fuck out of my face." "When you removed the Necronomicon from the cradle, did you speak the words?" "Yeah... basically." "Did you speak the exact words?" "Look. Maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah." "Dung eating fool! Thou hast doomed us all! When thou misspoke the words, the Army of the Dead awoke." "Now whoa, whoa, whoa, right there spinach chin. You said that you could clean this mess up once you got that book. You said that there was a passage in there that could get rid of this thing and send me back." "The Evil has a terrible hunger for the Necronomicon." "But what of the things we've shared? What of all the sweet words that you spoke in private?" "Ohwell... Oh that's just what we call pillow talk baby, that's all." "Dig damn you. Dig faster! I shall command every worm infested son of a bitch that ever died in battle." "Welcome back to the land of the livin'. Now pick up a shovel and get digging." "My Lord.  An army of the dead gather in the wilderness and they approach the castle." "They'll swallow our souls." "That's it. Go ahead and run. Run home and cry to mama. Me! I'm through runnin'. I say we stay here and fight it out!" "There's a sight for sore bones." "I may be bad... but I feel good." "They're coming! The Deadites approach!" "Oh! Oh you miserable bags of bones. Pick yourselves up and sally fo(yroh)!  Sally fo(yroh)!  Sally forth." "Ooooo that's gotta hurt!" "Put your backbones into it." "Honey, you got real ugly." "You're pissing me off you ugly son of a bitch." "Who the hell are you?" "Name's Ash... ... housewares." "I'll swallow your soul." "Hail to the king baby."