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I have been a sewer chewer
since about a week after Christmas. I love CHUD.
Especially the Creature Corner. I e-mailed Nick
Nunziata, editor of CC, and asked if I could
contribute in some way-I wanted to be
involved.
"We'll let you know," he
replied.
So a couple of weeks ago,
he posts that a future issue of CC will be an
Evil Dead retrospective. I am the world's
biggest ED fan, |
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so I begged for the chance
to contribute. Nick flew me to the CHUD Offices
in Atlanta, to give me the assignment face to
face. "You want to write for CHUD? Well, we
don't tolerate slack-and we sure as hell don't
need any dead weight. If you want this, you've
got to earn it."
"Whatever it takes," I told
him.
"Sure, sure, I've heard the
rhetoric," he said. "But you've got to mean it.
This is your proving ground. You're going to
interview Henrietta Knowby from Evil Dead
2."
"Wow, really?" I leapt up
from the chair, "Ted Raimi!! That rules! I'll
ask him about the costume, and the sweat, and
Skinner and Lunatics and Seaquest..."
"No, not Ted Raimi.
Henrietta."
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"Oh…Oh! Lou Hancock, the
actress who plays Henrietta in the movie. Okay…"
"Yeah…right. We packed a
bag, and your plane tickets are on the desk over
there. Get going, your gonna' miss the flight."
I promised Nick I wouldn't
screw up.
"Yeah, well-don't write
checks your body can't cash, pal-And don't try
to take that bag carry-on. Trust me."
On the drive to the
airport, I checked the heavier-than-hell bag.
Chainsaw, shotgun, and boxes of shotgun shells.
Probably just props for a photo shoot or
something. |
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Hours later, I find myself
in Wilmington, North Carolina, standing before
the dilapidated ruins of the legendary cabin
from Evil Dead 2. It's a little run down, but
it's right up in the mountains. There are still
ten-foot-tall poly-foam tree trunks on the site,
worn by years of weather. I thought I'd be
meeting an agent or a photographer-but there's
no one around. I move closer to the cabin. That
door-the one with the two shotgun holes-is still
on its hinges after all this time. I open the
door, drop my bags, and enter what's left of the
place. It's surprisingly intact, save that it
has been stripped of some of its decoration by
nutty fans. There is a tape recorder on a desk
in the living room area. I flip the switch.
What plays is nearly
indecipherable. It sounds as if the recording is
being played backwards. I can make out two
words…
"Join us."
On the floor to my
right-the old fruit cellar entrance. I've got to
see this. I descend the stairs into the musty
set. After stumbling in darkness for what seems
like hours-a lamp clicks on suddenly. And there
IT stands-The possessed corpse of Henrietta
Knowby! Not an effect. Not a prop. It's a fetid,
pestilent Deadite! And I've got to interview it.
And I haven't done any research. And I left the
BAG OF SHOTGUN upstairs. I'm in deep…
"Someone's in my fruit
cellar!" she chirps. "Come in, come in-Join
us!"
PAGE
TWO IS ONE CLICK AWAY!
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"A savior will bring us from the brink of chaos
and keep us from really having any problems with being slain
or getting a good deal on housewares."