I ask her if that means she's seen the sequel, Army of Darkness? "Oh heavens to Kandarr, no-I don't like the scary movies. And they're definitely scarier now more than ever. I saw one of the advertisements for the 'I Saw What You Did in the Summer' movie? I'll tell you, it gave me the shivers-what with that Jessica Love-creature. But I loved the baseball movie he did (For Love of the Game). That Kevin Costner-he is a hunk". So she wasn't at all disappointed by the fact that Evil Dead 2 was more or less a comedy? "Oh, no not at all-I'm a great lover of comedy-I just love the Ritz Brothers, and the 'Amos and Andy'-they were before your time, though." Kevin Costner, comedies-What else does a Kandarian Demon enjoy when it comes to cinema? "Oh I just adore Spencer Tracy, and Bogey…I really love

musicals-anything by Rogers and Hammerstein. I'd have to say my favorite film of all time is the Show Boat."

As Henrietta finishes her list, something strikes me as odd. Here we are thirteen years after the release of Evil Dead 2, a hugely successful film worldwide, and she still lives in the fruit cellar. "What gives?" I wonder. Henrietta explains that another one of the S.A.G. rules for Demonic Performers is that they receive no retirement benefits. Henrietta Knowby, despite the fact that she began her career over 60 years ago as a contract player at MGM in the late 30's, is left at near-poverty level, shunned by an industry she gave her very lifeblood (and bile, pus, and creamy vomit) to support…"It is very hard to survive nowadays simply on Medicare. I don't often know where my next meal is coming from. At one point, shortly after filming the Evil Dead movie, I was forced to eat the gourds hanging from the ceiling of the cellar-and I'll have you know that gourds are quite a step down from human flesh. I've been in this business called "show" my entire life-in the Wizard of Oz-when the Wicked Witch's feet curl up and under Dorothy's house? That was me. I've given my life and my death to Hollywood, and I've been pushed aside."

I ask her what fate the future holds-Does she consider herself retired? "Oh, yes. But that could change with the right role. And after Gloria Stuart's turn in the Titanic, Hollywood is ready to cast demons in small yet important roles. As a matter of fact, I've heard that Sam Raimi is going to make the Spider-Man into a film. My grandchildren love the Spider-Man, and I'd be delighted to read for Aunt May."

Henrietta makes two sudden convulsions-then hacks forth a torrent of black goo, filled with cat entrails. Most of it hits me in the face. Without warning, my writing hand begins repeatedly punching through my other hand with my pen. Through all of this, Henrietta hovers just slightly above the earthen floor of the fruit cellar, shrieking "Dead by dawn" repeatedly. It is quite a performance. The old magic's still there.

I could see that my afternoon with Henrietta Knowby was coming to a close. Although she was very gracious, and full of tales of Hollywood's Golden era, I could tell that she needed rest. Her left eye began spraying blood, and she accidentally leaked pus from her forehead onto the wonderful raspberry torte she had baked (it was delicious, nevertheless). I thanked her for her generous hospitality and her whimsical reminisces-

"Oh, I had a delightful time," she told me. It's so seldom nowadays that I get to talk to someone with a fresh soul."

As I look back at my assignment, it seems amazing to me that I actually survived my conversation with a nightmarish Kandarian Deadite. I did, after all, enter the fruit cellar of the Knowby cabin completely unprepared for the Ultimate Experience in Grueling Journalism. And although she never tried to swallow my soul, I can't help but hear her most disturbing words reverberating in my skull…

"I'd have to say my favorite film of all time is Show Boat."